40th birthday gift suggestion

Need something behind the sofa? Think Enron art

With the Enron crowd back in the news--former CFO Andrew Fastow was indicted again Thursday, this time along with his wife, Lea, and a dinner party's worth of other former brass--it's worth remembering that part of the energy giant's art collection is being auctioned in two weeks.

And what a coincidence: Lea led the company's in-house art committee. A former assistant treasurer at Enron, she got to travel abroad to buy the art, with the committee's $20 million budget.

The new charges don't mention the art collection--Lea's lawyers say the charges against her are just a way to put more pressure on her husband--but if you decide to pick something up at the May 15-16 auction in New York, you can make up all the stories you want as you point to your new acquisition.

A second auction by Phillips de Pury is scheduled in the fall and will include about 50 other works.

According to bankruptcy court papers, Phillips de Pury said the collection should bring in $1.3 million to $1.8 million.

Sounds decent, but proceeds from the auction will be set aside for company creditors, who have filed $400 billion in claims.

Tube's company

As if our tax dollars weren't doing enough work in Iraq, now you and I are paying for a TV network there, too.

Middle East Television Network will carry mostly news, but talks are under way with U.S. movie and TV people for subtitled or dubbed programs, according to Norm Pattiz, chairman of radio giant Westwood One and head of the Middle East committee of the government's broadcasting board of governors.

Congress approved $62 million to fund this thing, apparently feeling the Iraqis are so culture-deprived they need some U.S. TV right now.

Well, they're certainly deprived of their own culture, since we neglected to protect their museums during our invasion and looters-- including journalists, I'm embarrassed to say--made off with thousands of items. So why don't we spend that $62 million on something worthwhile, like getting the treasure back in the buildings?

Anyway, if we want to give them some American culture, let's acquaint them with the work of Frank Zappa. We could start with his 1979 effort, "Sheik Yerbouti."

My kingdom for a horse

Remember the story about Tyco's Dennis Kozlowski flying people to Sardinia for his wife's 40th birthday and having Jimmy Buffett perform?

You can outdo him by renting a country.

The Liechtenstein tourist board has produced Rent-a-State. The program is run by a Swiss company, X-net AG, which specializes in incentive travel and devised Rent-a-Village schemes in neighboring Austria and Switzerland.

Liechtenstein is so small--15 miles long and less than 8 miles wide--that the entire population is invited to drinks at the royal castle on the national holiday.

The capital doesn't have a railway station or an airport, and a nationwide tour takes just two hours.

"The main problem is to make people aware that Liechtenstein exists and is worth a visit," says tourist director Roland Buechel.

Get away from it all

Another thoughtful gift might be a round-the-world cruise.

Try the Picton Castle, a square-rigged ship that sets sail next month from Lunenburg, Nova Scotia, for the South Seas.

You can spend a year onboard for only $32,000.

Oh, they want you to work, too: handling sails, scrubbing the deck, stuff like that. Romantic, eh?

More ways to lose money

Today's investment advice is for anybody who believes sex sells. Mata Hari may have been a famous spy, but Matahari is Indonesia's biggest publicly traded retailer, with grocery and department stores.

"With a huge network, Matahari Department Store is easy for you to find even at the remote area surround Indonesia especially at the big cities," its Web site says.

Its profits and sales fell in the most recent quarter, but sometimes that spells buying opportunity.

Then there's Beate Uhse AG, Europe's largest sex-shop chain, which still expects to increase net income this year by 12 percent to more than $11 million as it opens boutiques in Europe.

"We're also sensing the slump as consumers decide to buy less, even in the erotic industry, though not as badly as others," said CEO Otto Christian Lindemann. "I think we'll be able to reach our goals this year."

And on the other side of the world, shares of Daily Planet Ltd., the first Australian brothel to sell stock publicly, more than doubled on the first day of trading Thursday, one of the most successful debuts in at least three years.

Daily Planet, which runs a Melbourne brothel of the same name, hired Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss as its "international ambassador."

Maybe they forgot Schaumburg

Hoosier fans, take note: Men's Journal magazine recently named Bloomington one of the best, healthiest, safest and sexiest places to live in the nation.

The city also received the editor's pick as the best place to live in the Midwest.

Bloomington Mayor John Fernandez says the recognition is important for the growth of the city.

No doubt businesses are lining up to move there even as you read this.

Why papers are better than TV

The people at insurer Chubb have put together a helpful list of tips for people who are moving this summer:

*Videotape your valuables instead of just taking photos.

*Search for climate-controlled moving trucks, if possible.

*Pack your jewelry and important documents yourself.

But their last suggestion is obviously off the mark. "Newsprint," they say, "isn't the best option for wrapping items--look for other soft paper materials."

Nonsense. Look no further than your Sun-Times, and please: Buy as many copies as you need to wrap everything.

Contributing: AP, Bloomberg News