Romantic man birthday gift

TWO words, fellas--listen! Carefully. Because I am about to share with you a list of things you may want to know about women. Important things. Useful things. Things that may leave you shaking or scratching your head, but will nonetheless greatly enhance your ability to get along with us, if not understand or unravel the mystery of womankind.

Which is why however odd or irrational you may find anything on this list (and if my informal survey of various male friends is any indication, you will find a fair number of them to be both), be warned: You ignore or dismiss them at your own peril. Though there is probably some truth to your sentiments, my advice to any man who genuinely wants to enhance his ability to peacefully coexist with the fairer sex is to do two things with the information contained in this list: Accept it as truth, and commit it to memory. I promise, you will thank me later.

Speaking of thanks, for those of you who find this list helpful, you owe a big one to my dear friend, let us call him John, for its creation. With the help of several Sister-friends, at John's request, I put it together as a birthday gift to him after several innocent but serious blunders ended more than one promising relationship before it/they could really begin. Here, then, 20 things a man should know about a woman:

1. We can tell just about everything we need to know about a Brother just by looking at his shoes.

2. Women like wild and crazy men for dating purposes because they're exciting and unpredictable. But when it comes time to choose "The One," we don't want tempestuous, temperamental and tattoos; we want responsible, reliable, real. (See, we're not so different from you after all.)

3. A surprise weekend at a romantic bed and breakfast is to a woman what 50-yard-line seats at the Super Bowl are to a man.

4. No means no! No matter how badly you were hoping/wishing/expecting it would be yes.

5. As a rule, we know when you're lying.

6. We always know when you're sneaking looks at (a) another woman (b) our breasts and/or (c) our butt. It doesn't matter how shrewd or swift the glance.

7. Nothing says "I love you" like thoughtful, unsolicited little gifts on days that aren't "special"--anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day. Extra credit if they're personal enough to show you've really been paying attention to us (e.g., A bouquet of our favorite flowers. In our favorite color. Arranged in our favorite vase.)

8. Our job is just as stressful/serious/significant as yours.

9. Nonjudgmental, uninterrupted listening to our hopes/dreams/fears/insecurities, even if it's for the one-thousandth time, makes us feel we are the center of your universe. Where we belong.

10. One lie spoils a thousand truths. Once discovered, it will be stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

11. There is no such thing as too many shoes.

12. Ditto the perfect little black dress.

13. Sometimes the earth doesn't move. And no, you're not going to be able to tell when it doesn't.

14. We take birthdays and anniversaries seriously. Forgetting either requires serious justification ("My mother had to have emergency surgery"), explanation ("The doctors asked me not to leave the floor even long enough to make a phone call") and amends ("But I got you a little something from Tiffany's that I hope you'll like").

15. Pillow talk is special, sacred and, above all, secret. Repeating it to anyone is grounds for a breakup.

16. A woman's trust is a catacomb, not a blackboard. Betrayals are not erased; they are only filed away in our mind and heart--permanently and, in the best circumstances, deeply.

17. There are certain weekend date destinations that never go out of style. The mountains and the beach. A tropical island. A suite at the Ritz. Your place cleaned/equipped/arrayed to look like a suite at the Ritz. (Think fresh flowers, scented candles, rose petals scattered atop freshly laundered sheets.)

18. A great haircut can give us a new lease on life. A bad one is not to be trivialized, minimized or joked about.

19. Chronic lying, unemployment and/or unexplained disappearances are automatic dealbreakers.

20. Forget the destination--for us, it's all about the journey.