Birthday gift idea for her

Fabulous birthday gift backs her into a corner

starts to get a little awkward.

After two years, I've finally realized that giving him clothes for every occasion neither amuses him nor makes him a snappier dresser. And he's come to understand that, no matter how fabulous his gift is, if it doesn't come in a tiny, robin's-egg-blue box, there's going to be a small, petty part of me that's slightly disappointed.

We'd like to think we know each other well enough that we could instinctively give each other perfect gifts. But life's more complicated than that. You can know what the other person wants and not be able to give it to them. And you can know what you want, but also know that you'd be better off without it. And sometimes, like right now, if you're me, you can just plain have no idea what you want.

Even if I were inclined to be perfectly honest--and let's be clear, I'm not--I wouldn't have known what to say when he asked, "What would you like for your birthday?"

"I want you to whisk me off to Paris and slip a diamond ring on my finger as we're standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower" is not, I gather, an appropriate response to that question.

Partly because a spontaneous trip--when I haven't had time to get a pedicure, go on a diet or buy new clothes--would, in real life, really annoy me. But mostly because the guy I love would never, ever do that. And, whatever else I want, I don't want him to be someone else.

So I said the things you're supposed to say--"Oh, nothing," and "Anything you pick will be perfect"--and left him on his own. I think he wanted it that way.

Our birthdays are just a couple weeks apart, which has created a weird sort of competition/equilibrium dynamic between us. Mine comes first, setting the standard. And then, for his, I try to give him something slightly better than what he got me, but not so much better that it makes him feel bad. I don't know why I feel compelled to do it that way. Maybe because it's a rare chance to show my love in a concrete, non-gushy way I know he'll get. Or maybe because I'm selfishly trying to raise the gift-giving bar.

This year, he's boxed me into a corner. In addition to roses and dinner at my favorite restaurant, he came up with a fabulous, untoppable idea for a birthday gift. Something fun and interesting that--briefly--made me feel like I was getting cooler instead of just older.

He got me an iPod.

The iPod, made by Apple, is the greatest thing to happen to music since the Walkman. It's a personal jukebox that you can load with 2,500 of your favorite songs. It fits in the palm of your hand, weighs practically nothing and is, in a word, elegant. You can carry your entire music collection with you wherever you go, plus you can add to it by downloading songs from the perfectly legal, easy-to-use iTunes music site.

I think it also gets amazing sound, but I don't know that for sure. Because I haven't actually been able to use it.

My birthday gift is so cool that it's beyond me.

The iPod works in conjunction with a computer. You're supposed to install its software--there are Mac and PC versions--on your machine, then use that program to load the music. Then, you "sync" the iPod with your computer.

Unless, of course, your computer is anything but the latest and greatest of machines. If you are using, say, a 6-year-old Gateway that gets overwhelmed by high-resolution graphics, you will not be able to load the iPod software onto it. And even if you sneak into the office early in the morning and try to do it on your computer at work, you'll have no luck unless your employer bought new machines this year--and hasn't blocked your ability to install personal software in some pesky attempt to "preserve the integrity" of your network.

I've had the iPod for over a week now. It looks fantastic on my coffee table.

Instead of making me feel like I'm cutting edge and hip, it's become a symbol of how truly behind-the-curve I am.

It's also created something of a gift-giving dilemma. Because what I could really, obviously use as a birthday gift is a new computer. And if I were to return the iPod for credit, I'd be pretty well on the way to being able to afford one.

I never liked that "Gift of the Magi" story.

Now, I've got a week to go before buying his birthday gift. What do you get for the guy who thinks you're so cool that you need an iPod?

If I buy him anything electronic, it will look lame next to the iPod. If I go for something practical, it will seem un-fun by comparison. If I stay within my budget--and give him, say, a bag of cookies--it will make him feel guilty about me having to save up for the new PC.

And, of course, when I ask him what he wants, he says, "Nothing."

So I'm thinking about whisking him off to Paris and seeing what happens.

It's only a four-hour drive.