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FAITH STEPPING STONES: A Cradle-to-Graduation Confirmation System

Getting the Kid "Done"

Pastors and Christian educators have lamented it for years: The unchurched or underchurched parents showing up at baptism time to have their child "done" and then disappearing. These good folks sit impatiently through an orientation session, make their promise of raising a child in communion with the church, snap a few pictures, and fall soundly asleep that night in the certain knowledge that they've done their religious duty.

About thirteen years later, due to pressure from Grandma or some vague institutional memory kicking in, these good folks drag their kids back often kicking and screaming and deposit them on the congregation's doorstep to get them "done" once again. After this, they hand the keys of the spiritual cockpit over to their newly confirmed child, and happily disappear until a wedding or funeral dictates the use of the religious professional's time and rental space.

We see them come. We see them go. And although we feel slightly used by the whole process, we leave it all in the hands of God, erring on the side of grace. Dare we expect more? I believe we can. I believe we must.

A Journey to a Different Place

A decade ago, when we set out to revision the adolescent confirmation process within the church, we had no idea that this journey would lead us well beyond adolescent faith development into a whole family "every night in every home" faith incubation approach.

Since I left the parish in 1993 on my self-imposed sabbatical and hit the road to preach "Conformation (sic!) Is Dead," two-thirds of the congregations in the Lutheran church have embraced some form of the large group - small group, mentor-involved model we have taught. That's great, but we're not satisfied. It's not enough to simply change the adolescent ministry model. If we really want to change the church, we've got to create a confirmation ministry model that is longer and later and much, much earlier.

Longer and Later - and Much, Much Earlier

What we didn't realize ten years ago when we targeted adolescent confirmation - and Homer Simpson would give us a big "doh" for not seeing it - is that faith incubation is a process. It cannot and normally will not magically happen in the two or three years of a teenager's life. It cannot and will not happen by buying a better workbook, hiring a younger youth worker, building a bigger youth room, or even switching to our large group - small group model.

Faith incubation - and confirmation, itself- must start a whole lot earlier and last a whole lot longer if it is to happen at all. And incubating the parents' faith during the entire process is the key.

What I wish to propose does not throw adolescent confirmation out, but it doesn't count on it as the central milestone in the life of faith, either. I propose we make confirmation a subset of a much broader, overarching system of parent-involved parish Christian education. Through this approach, we will attempt to grow parents as the primary faith teachers, mentors, and role models for their children's faith journey one step at a time from cradle to graduation. We will work to incubate faith every night in every home and bring parents and children back to the baptismal promises - and to the altar for a recommitment - eight times in every child's life.

The Eight Faith Stepping Stones

1 propose we begin at baptism, with parents spending three weeks together looking at the gift of their child, the promises they arc making, and their role as primary faith teachers, mentors, and role models. Call it "Raising a Healthy Infant" or some other attractive title for nonchurched parents. After three sessions of bonding and learning together, end the sessions at the altar in worship, inviting parents to recommit to the baptismal promises and to add the faith practice of a nightly blessing to their bedtime ritual.

From there on, we will pull parents back into our learning environment (and to the altar) and add additional simple faith practices - prayer, scripture, confession/absolution - to their nightly ritual at each key phase of parenting. In a nutshell, the "Faith Stepping Stone" approach looks like this:

1. Raising a Healthy Baby. Teach the physical, emotional, and spiritual care of infants, and invite parents to bless their babies every night.

2. Raising a Healthy Preschooler, Teach the physical, emotional, and spiritual care of preschoolers. Invite parents to pray with their little ones and continue to bless them every night.

3. Entry into Kindergarten, 'leach the physical, emotional, and spiritual care of kindergartners. Invite parents to share "Highs & Lows," pray, and bless every night.

4. My Bible. Walk through the Bible, highlighting one key verse from every book. Invite families to read a Bible verse, share "Highs & Lows," pray, and bless every night.

5. Holy Communion. Walk parents and youth through the meaning of communion. End at the altar inviting families to say "I'm sorry," read a Bible verse, share "Highs & Lows," pray, and bless every night.

6. Entrance into Confirmation, 'leach families the art of "Theological Reflection" by placing the daily scripture and their "Highs & Lows" together for reflection. Continue the call to a nightly "I'm sorry," prayer, and blessing.

7. Confirmation. Ask youth to commit to specific ministries in the life of the church with their small group. Continue the nightly faith practices.

8. Graduation. Create an opportunity for youth to bless, gift, and thank parents at the altar.

The key to this approach is not how well your three-week courses are written, how many people participate, or how much they learn in class. The key is what happens when families take what they've learned into their own nightly bedtime routines.

Boiling Eggs and Faith Incubation

You can boil an egg in two minutes; you can't incubate an egg in two minutes. Incubation takes time, care, and attention to detail, warmth, and nurture. Incubation is a process that requires a whole systems approach. If any of the essentials are left out of the system, or if you try to rush incubation, eggs won't hatch.

It may seem obvious now, but you can't incubate an adolescent's faith in two or three years. You can teach some doctrine and have a kid regurgitate it back during a ceremony before they walk out the door singing "Good-bye!" But you can't incubate faith in two years.

Faith incubation takes time, care, attention to detail, warmth, and nurture. And common sense, biblical witness, personal experience, and all the best research indicate that faith incubation happens best when parents are involved in a "hands on" way throughout the whole process. Faith incubation happens best in the home.

What would happen to a family that began this process at baptism and continued it nightly throughout their child's life? What would happen if they turned off the television, put down the newspaper, and brought God into the close of the day through this deepening devotional system? What would happen to a church if even a third of the families took these nightly faith practices seriously?

You would create what appears to be a short worship service every night in these homes. Communication, love, knowledge of the will of God, scripture, prayer, blessing, trust - all of these would grow. Families would grow and change along with it. Change a family and you change a church. Change a church and you change a community. Change a community and you change the world.

At Faith Inkubators, we've spent the last decade trying to help pastors change their adolescent ministry confirmation programs. We're going to spend the next decade seeing what happens in churches where confirmation becomes a cradle-to-graduation process.

If you'd like to try out the eight mini courses that Faith Inkubators has designed for this system, go online to www.faithink.com and download the samples that interest you. We're out to change the church, one night at a time. Care to assist?

Rich Melheim, an ordained Lutheran pastor, founder and Executive Director of Faith Inkubators, is working on Christian education systems and ministry models that incubate faith from the family up.

For more information about Faith Stepping Stones and other experimental Christian education systems, go to www.faithink.com.