Homemade romantic gift idea

How to win over your Valentine with losing gift

A year ago, several co-workers gave me grief after asking what I was getting my lovely wife for Valentine's Day.

Chocolates?

Roses?

A small card with a cute cartoon character on it stuffed inside a tiny envelope with a few stale candy hearts and a mushy sentimental proposition like "Some bunny loves you! Don't be a dud like Elmer Fudd -- be my Valentine" left on the porch?

No, no and (insert evil laugh here) she'll never know if it was me who left that card there and ran down the street and hid after ringing the doorbell.

They all wished me good luck staying married until Presidents Day when I told them about my wife's present: a new Hoover SteamVac2 carpet cleaner.

Hey, what says "Honey, I love you!" like a shampooer that not only scrubs rugs but also scours upholstery?

That's right . . . nothing.

OK, maybe a vacuum.

Hmmm . . . not a bad idea for V-Day 2004.

For the record, my wife loved it -- especially after she had me clean our condo's carpets the following week.

And my wife's gift to me?

A pre-paid membership to Weight Watchers.

Now this might not sound like the most romantic of gifts, and it's something I certainly wouldn't give her -- oh, heaven help me just thinking about that -- but it was perfect. She was nervous I'd be offended, but I knew her heart was in the right place. Not only had I gained back nearly all of the 125 pounds I'd lost before we shared a piece of wedding cake, but I'd been constantly talking about wanting to lose weight without doing a thing about it.

A year later, I'm happy to announce that I'm about 25 pounds lighter.

Incidentally, so are our carpets.

My grand total might have been higher if not for my wife's aunt's amazing, mouth-watering Super Bowl spread, which was scrumptious but about as diet-friendly as the halftime show was family-friendly. Her Super Bowl spread included seven-layer and shrimp dips, pigs-in- blankets, lots of gooey cheesy stuff, hot wings, homemade chili, sandwiches and cakes of the chocolate and cheese varieties.

Forget Tom Brady, Aunt Carey was the real Super Bowl MVP. The food was so good that if Justin Timberlake had been there, he would've been reaching for seconds instead of, well, um, you know.

Even with that pigskin pig-out, I've managed to lose most of my holiday weight. If I hadn't been prompted to do something about my weight, I would've easily gained at least 25 pounds the past year, so I'm thankful for the gift. I won't be shocked if I get a gym membership this year, since I've yet to get into exercise mode.

But this type of gift-giving can be tricky. One of my fellow W.W. classmates told me how her mother-in-law had made a big deal about giving her daughter a special Christmas present. So, with the entire family watching, the somewhat overweight high school girl eagerly opened up her bonus gift from grandma to find a weight-loss book for teens. She was humiliated. Instead of motivating her, the well- intentioned granny made her granddaughter want to crawl in a dark corner with some comfort food.

The moral: Don't be afraid to try to help someone you care for -- just do it with tact, consideration, love and perhaps a bit of discretion.

Which is why wrapping the gift in a little envelope with hearts and leaving it on the porch is always a good option. Just don't get caught running down the street after you ding-and-ditch -- especially if it has to do with cleaning or losing weight.

Jody Genessy's weight-loss column runs the first Friday of every month.

E-mail: jody@desnews.com