Inexpensive romantic gift idea

As committed holiday-catalog shoppers for 30 years, we're amazed how much wine-related merchandise is choking general-interest catalogs this year. It's not our imagination.

This season's gift catalogs are stuffed not only with corkscrews and glasses, but with things like grapevine neckties, wine stoppers made of deer antlers and bottle holders in the shape of (why not?) crustaceans.

If you want some convincing evidence of the democratization of wine in America, there it is. So what exactly are the catalogs selling? Should you buy their merchandise for your wine-loving friends?

We decided to find out by searching through the hundreds of holiday catalogs that arrived at our house starting in August. We skipped wine or food vendors; we were interested in general-interest catalogs.

It was hard to choose just a few, but finally, here are some of the -- well, how exactly would we describe them? -- more interesting wine-related presents we saw. These may not be things we'd want to see under our own tree, but wine gifts are as personal as wine itself. For shoppers with less adventurous tastes, we also include safer bets for the wine lovers on your list. Many of these are available in several different catalogs:

Elvis wine bottle cover (wallstreetcreations.com, $89.95). This is a metal stand of Elvis holding a guitar. The bottle goes in his "body." Then Elvis' metal head, complete with sideburns, goes on the top of the bottle. While it's true that we do have a cherished bottle of Always Elvis white wine, with a picture of The King on the label - - so, yeah, you could question our taste -- this seems like a present only for someone who already has enough paintings of Elvis on velvet.

A straw for wine (after5catalog. com, $19.95). Actually, it's called a "Wine Prism," but it really is a glass straw with an extra little hole in the side. The idea, according to the instructions, is that it "mixes air and wine automatically, revealing a wine's positive characteristics as well as its flaws." Included is this helpful advice on how to use it: "Draw wine up the Wine Prism by sucking with sufficient force so that a solid stream of wine is pulled up... ." (We couldn't help thinking of the famous advice Lauren Bacall gave Humphrey Bogart in "To Have and Have Not": "You know how to whistle, don't you? ... You just put your lips together and blow.") Our favorite part of the instructions is that it says this is a "take-anywhere instant decanting device." We love the idea of telling a waiter, "Oh, no need to decant. We brought a straw." (It even includes a clip, like a ballpoint pen, so you can carry it in your pocket. Next step: a pocket protector.)

But, really, buying any sort of wine gadget for a wine lover is risky, like us trying to buy a useful golf gadget for John's golf- obsessed brother. He probably doesn't use gadgets anyway and, if he does, we have no idea what.

Antler wine stopper (crowsnesttrading.com, $22.95). Wine stoppers - - that is, corks with something cute on top of them, used for resealing opened bottles -- are popular catalog items, probably because they are so easily open to an artist's interpretation. This one is supposedly made from a real antler ("naturally shed," we're assured), but, unfortunately, it just looks like some sort of mold growing on top of the cork. Dottie felt this did have its place. "If you had a friend who, say, lived in Alaska and shot his own moose, I can see that," she said, so keep that in mind.

Otherwise, skip the wine stoppers. If your friend leaves half- empty bottles, a more useful present would be a Vac-u-Vin, which helps the wine stay fresh, or a can of inert gas that does the same thing (both are available at many wine stores). In any event, one problem with clever wine stoppers is that they add so much height that bottles often no longer fit into refrigerators.

Glass flutes without bases (lillianvernon.com, $19.98) and stainless-steel wine goblets (grilllovers.com, $15.99). Wine glasses are really big in catalogs -- from "microwave safe" wine glasses adorned with Mickey Mouse's smiling mug (disneydirect.com, $34.50 for four) to a set of four glasses that we had personalized to say "Dottie's Wine Bar" (artandartifact.com, $39.95). The glass flutes come in a bud vase and this is actually kind of cute and romantic, but they'll probably never actually be used because they can't be put down except in the vase, which seems a bit much. Imagine every time you needed both hands for some reason -- hey, where was that darn vase? The set of two stainless-steel wine glasses are nice, too, but they're small and don't allow the wine to be seen. They are unbreakable, though.

Our suggestion: Skip the precious stuff and buy your wine-loving friend some simple, everyday glasses. Look for clear glasses that curve in slightly at the top and hold at least 20 ounces (so there's plenty of room for swirling and smelling; in any case, larger glasses are more fun). These needn't be expensive. We saw some lovely, 26- ounce, 101/2-inch high "Kirkland Signature" glasses at Costco recently that we'd be happy to get and proud to give. They cost $26.99 for eight -- or $3.37 a glass.

So what are we going to do with the glasses that say "Dottie's Wine Bar"? Fortunately, Dottie's mother also is named Dottie, so she'll be finding these under her tree this year. (But please -- don't spoil our surprise.)

Grapevine boa for her (lindaanderson.com, $49) and Napa Valley map tie for him (after5catalog.com, $34.95). Dottie hasn't worn a boa in public in years, and she's not sure what might be the appropriate occasion for this one, which is hand-knit and 4 feet long, though it is delightful. The Napa Valley tie might be good for a friend who works in a tasting room in wine country and needs to give directions. Seriously, we'd advise you to stay away from wine-themed clothes. However, if you can find something more discreet -- little grape- cluster earrings or grape-cluster socks -- go for it. (OK, John really does wear the socks and Dottie has a pair of vintage grape earrings, but we didn't see them in catalogs this time. Still, they must be out there somewhere.)

"Merlot-scented" candles shaped like a wine bottle, hunks of cheese and a grape cluster (casuallivingusa.com, $19.95 for the set). We're just not sure what anyone would ever do with this ("Honey, let's light the cheese and have an intimate dinner").

In any event, we fired them up to see if they smelled like Merlot. They didn't -- at least not like any Merlot we recognized. Truth be told, the squat little purple candle-bottle is kind of adorable and might be fun at a wine event, but the "Merlot" scent is so sweet that the candle shouldn't be burned around real wine.

Candlelight bottle lamp (lighterside.com, $31.98). Remember when you used to put a candle into an empty Mateus bottle ("Oh, wow, man")? Well, this is the update: "Turn your favorite wine bottle into a candlelight lamp!" You put the candle holder into an empty bottle and then put the lampshade, which is complete with frills on the edges, over it. This would be a good gift to give to your twentysomething son if you wanted to make sure no woman would ever stay in his apartment after seeing it.

Trellis wine rack (winterthurgifts.com, $79.95) and grape-themed table top wine rack (horchow.com, $70). The first, which is metal and designed to look like a grape vine, attaches to the wall and holds six bottles of wine. It's long and will be heavy with six bottles in it, so make sure your friend has strong walls. The second is aluminum- embossed with grapes and leaves. Pretty little wine racks are a staple of catalogs, because they seem like something every budding wine lover needs. But here's the problem: Although in our youth we once displayed, for far too long, a few bottles where we could see them, most wine racks should be someplace where no one sees them, like a dark closet. Many of our well-displayed bottles ultimately went bad. One of those inexpensive little accordion racks -- with a couple bottles of wine -- is a more useful, and less expensive, present.

In any event, be careful about wine-related home decorations like these -- or artwork such as a wall hanging that says: "Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp them into something acceptable enough to have dinner with" (femailcreations.com, $15). If you want to do something along these lines, make it more understated -- maybe grape-cluster Christmas- tree lights (casuallivingusa.com, $11.95), wine bottle ornaments (bronners.com, $18.99), napkins with wine-related "New Yorker" cartoons on them (restorationhardware.com, $20) or colorful wine- themed dish towels, which we use when we open Champagne (paragongifts.com, $12.95).