Personalized birthday gift idea

CONNECTING WITH LOVED ONES

The holidays are all about bonding with family and friends, yet it can be hard to find the time or energy. We surveyed some ESSENCE readers and came up with these helpful tips:

1 "I plan a get-together with one person at a time," says Helyn Hall-Williams of Seattle. "We meet for coffee, go shopping together, have lunch." You may prefer to meet two or three relatives at a time, but be sure to keep the gathering intimate, If you do this before the holiday, come Christmas Day you would have done your family duty.

2 April James, who lives in New York, connects with family by making gift tags with personalized messages. "Each one says something about the person and what they add to my life and to the world at large," she says.

3 Sylvia Bishop in Indianapolis arranges Ladies' Baking Day the first Saturday in December. "We all contribute money and exchange recipes, then make the items on our list," she says. "When we're done, we've spent the day together, and everyone goes home with treats to give away."

SHOPPING WITHOUT DROPPING

This was, by far, the area of highest anxiety for readers. Many of them suggested completing your Christmas shopping early--a noble thought but difficult for many of us to put into practice. Still, there are simple ways to get a jump on this task without breaking the bank.

4 "I don't charge anything on my credit cards after July, which allows me to decrease my debt before the holiday season," says Paulette Bickham of Marrero, Louisiana. After that, she adds, "my holiday shopping is on a cash-only basis."

5 Several readers said they buy items throughout the year when they're on sale to use as gifts for the office-party grab bag, your child's teacher or other acquaintances. This will leave you time at Christmas to shop more selectively for those closest to you.

6 Helen Frank-Jenkins gives gift certificates that "tap into a hobby or talent like baking, cooking, sewing, even simple things like babysitting and housekeeping." One year she gave a friend the "gift" of organizing her closet for her. "She was overjoyed," Helen recalls.

7 To avoid holiday chaos at toy stores, Helyn Hall-Williams shops for the kids at the beginning of the season so she doesn't have to endure the crowds and long lines during the busy times.

8 In October Kim Riley checks out stores near her home in Kansas City, Missouri, for the hottest gifts and then hits eBay. "I can't tell you how many times an item has been out of stock or no longer manufactured, and I've gotten a great deal on eBay," she says.

9 When friends express interest in something they probably won't buy for themselves, Monique Johnson doesn't wait until Christmas to buy it for them. "A lot of the time they forget about getting things for themselves because they're taking care of others," says Johnson, who lives in Memphis. "So I buy the gift. It lets them know they're in my thoughts and prayers throughout the year, not just around the holidays."

10 Why not start a Christmas club at your bank? Saving just $20 a month will put a nice chunk of change in your pocket come the holidays.

11 Or do what our editor-in chief, Diane Weathers, does. "My husband, daughter and I each have a decorative box that we use as a holiday savings bank," she says. "We keep them in a prominent place and encourage one another to drop in a portion of our allowance or paycheck, loose change or birthday money. Before long, we're competing with one another. It teaches us--especially my daughter--the value of saving for a goal."

12 Akesha Norman from Oakland reduces the amount of shopping she does by organizing a Secret Santa exchange among adults in her family. We think that's a great idea. You can still buy all the children individual gifts, but giving to just one adult cuts down on your expenses considerably. You can also ask for a wish list so that you're sure to give something that's really wanted.

LET'S PARTY

13 In the week leading up to Christmas Day, VeNise M. Robertson's family splits up entertaining responsibilities. "Every evening we visit different relatives, and the host family has a special theme or activity," she says. "At one niece's place we built a gingerbread house. The next night at a sister's place everyone made their own version of a submarine sandwich. Another sister hosted a night where we all had to bring dessert." The lesson? Spread the joy by rotating your venue.

14 Host a more relaxed meal--a brunch or dessert party instead of a sit-down, knock-'em-dead dinner.

COMMUNING WITH GOD

15 If a busier-than-normal schedule prevents you from getting to your regular religious services, slip into your place of worship after shopping, on your way back to the office from lunch or before heading home for a few moments of prayer and reflection.

16 Read a Bible verse or two first thing in the morning or before going to sleep at night.

17 AND REMEMBER ... Don't work yourself into a tizzy by focusing all your attention on the holiday itself. As Beverly Mims of Chicago says: "Christmas is only one day. The twenty-sixth will follow, and you'll want to have some energy in reserve to face whatever challenges lie ahead."

SAVING MONEY

"Throughout the year, I purchase gift certificates to the stores I will shop at during the holiday. I save them up to give as unexpected gifts for my kids' friends or use them to do my Christmas shopping. That way I don't feel as if the money is coming out of my pocket all at once "--Carlise M. Cartwright, Lancaster. Pennsylvania

SPREADING (AND GETTING) LOVE

Why not visit a sick or homebound person during the holidays, or volunteer to serve a meal at a homeless shelter Giving of yourself this way can alleviate loneliness if your family is far away, help you focus on the weal meaning of the season and even revive your spirituality. And sharing time with people less fortunate is a surefire way to put your own life into perspective.