Cash etiquette gift wedding

Many will call it tacky. Some will be even less charitable. "Extortion," sniffs Miss Manners (a k a Judith Martin) about the latest wedding-gift gimmick: In a number of states, couples-to-be can now "register" for a mortgage down payment as well as for china and crystal.

Couples with enough moxie to defy the rules of etiquette may find the concept appealing. And thoroughly modern guests may be glad to accept the tip. "My friends at work are the most critical people on Earth, and they liked the idea," says Sharon Coleman, who signed on with the Arbor Home Bridal Registry after it was launched this past spring in eight Eastern states by Arbor National Mortgage, (800) 272-6791, of Westbury, N.Y. A registry program started last year by Weichert Realtors of Morris Plains, N.J., (800) 872-7653, is available through several banks in its seven-state area.

Arbor reports a deluge of inquiries, and 12 brave couples have so far signed up. Participants get cards to tuck inside wedding invitations, which give Arbor's number. (Anyone interested in a bit more subtlety can rely on word of mouth.) Gift checks go directly into a money-market account that Arbor sets up in the couple's name.

You don't have to get your mortgage from Arbor, but the firm will pay $100 toward closing costs for those who do. A 30-year fixed-rate loan from Arbor now runs 7 3/4 percent. And Arbor, which is one of the many lenders that sell loans to the Federal National Mortgage Association, builds in the benefits of Fannie Mae's Community Home Buyer's Program. That program gives breaks to cash-strapped home buyers, newlywed or not.

Participating couples earning no more than 115 percent of their area's median income can put as much as 33 percent of household income toward the mortgage payment and 38 percent toward all debt. Normally, borrowers are limited to 28 and 36 percent, respectively. They can show timely payment of utility bills or rent, rather than credit-card or car-loan history, to verify creditworthiness. And they don't need two months' mortgage on hand to qualify. To discourage default, Fannie Mae requires that couples who put only 5 percent down must get 3 percent from their own savings; the rest can come from gifts. Through Arbor, registrants who leave the funds alone for at least six months -- long enough for the account to become "savings"--can use gift money for the entire 5 percent down.

Weichert's registry is less frilly. Banks simply open an account; the couple gets the news -- and deposit slips -- out. Until such registries spread, couples in theory could play copycat. Anyone can open an account, call it a down payment fund and then spread the word to guests.